Episode 71 - A Jaw-Dropping Moment
In this episode Kelli shares a simple and easy way to stimulate the relaxation response.
In this episode Kelli shares a simple and easy way to stimulate the relaxation response.
Live in the moment. We've all heard that advice in one form or another. Don't dwell on the past. Don't live in the future. Don't let your mind wander so much. Be present. If we could just live in the moment, we would be happier. Of course that's easier said than done. Humans have evolved to let their minds wander; even as we go on about our day, we rehash the past and make contingency plans for the future. Surely this is a great evolutionary advantage that allows us to continuously improve and to be better prepared for future emergencies, but as a 2010 Harvard study indicates, it comes with a significant emotional cost. Unfortunately, those of us that are experiencing anxiety are especially "evolved" and bear that emotional cost more than most, but mindfulness can even the playing field.
The Harvard research group conducted large-scale "experience sampling" to gauge what people were doing, what they were thinking about, and how they were feeling, repeatedly throughout their day. Earlier experience sampling studies have often been limited by the number of participants and how to interrupt people randomly in their everyday life to gauge their thoughts and feelings. The Harvard researchers developed a simple iPhone app to interrupt thousands of participants repeatedly throughout their waking hours. They were asked "How are you feeling right now?" to grade their happiness on a scale of 1-100. They were then asked "What are you doing right now?" and were asked to select one of 22 broad categories of activities. Finally participants were asked "Are you thinking about something other than what you're doing?" to which they could respond with one of four answers: no, yes (something positive), yes (something neutral), or yes (something negative).
A total of a quarter of a million experience samples from 5,000 individuals from all age groups and walks of life revealed three major findings about the emotional cost of our mind-wandering habit. The first finding was that human minds wander a lot! Participants reported thinking about something other than what they were doing nearly 50% of the time. That's a whole lot of not living in the moment! In fact, of the 22 activity types, participants reported mind-wandering at least 30% of the time in all but one activity. Can you guess which one... sex. That's one way to be mindful I guess!
The second finding confirms the age-old advice that living in the moment makes us happier. Participants reported lower happiness scores while their minds were wandering. Even while day dreaming about positive things, participants were no more happy than if they were focused on the activity at hand. In both cases, they reported a happiness rating of about 70%. In contrast, neutral and negative mind-wandering was associated with happiness scores of about 62 and 43%. Looks like those wise men and women of old were onto something.
The third and final finding of the Harvard study is that our thoughts are a much stronger indicator than our actions of our happiness level. Positive vs. negative mind wandering predicted happiness levels 2 to 3 times better than positive activities (e.g. relaxing, listening to music) vs. negative activities (e.g. commuting, working). This finding rings true to anyone who has ever had a terrible, no good, very bad day, and their friends tried to take them out to cheer them up. Throughout most of the evening, we can't stop thinking about our awful day and we make terrible company even though we're out shopping, talking, or relaxing - three "positive" activities.
As these Harvard researchers concluded, human minds wander a lot, and all that mind-wandering detracts from the experience of what we are actually doing. No doubt, being able to think about other things than the task at hand has great evolutionary advantages, but it sure does have an emotional cost, especially if we get caught in the habit of rehashing the past and worrying about the future. That type of anxious mind-wandering can be very cyclical and very sticky.
However, a new study out of the University of Waterloo (Canada) adds to the growing body of evidence highlighting how helpful mindfulness exercises can be in reducing that anxious mind-wandering. These researchers asked 82 college students with anxiety to perform a simple computer task while being interrupted with experience sampling questions similar to the 2010 Harvard study. Before starting the exercise, half of the students, the control group, listened to an audio recording from Tolkien's "The Hobbit." The other half, the test group, participated in a short mindfulness exercise. During the computer exercise, the participants were randomly and repeatedly asked to type out their thoughts, to rate how motivated they were to think about the thought or to avoid it, and also how motivated they were to do well on the task. It turns out that while the mindfulness group reported just as much mind-wandering as the control group, they were more focused and motivated on the task at hand.
This University of Waterloo study, and others like it, highlight that preventing our minds from wandering is a lot like herding cats. Don't think about pink elephants.... See what I mean? However, mindfulness training strengthens our mind just like going to the gym strengthens our muscles, allowing us to slide back to the present moment or present task easier and faster than we would otherwise. Mindfulness makes that mind-wandering cycle a bit less sticky, which can make all the difference to the anxious mind.
I avoided meditation for years, in part because I really didn't understand what it was all about, but I wish I hadn't. Even a little bit helps. I try to do 10 minutes a day, and in addition, I try to conduct my own experience sampling throughout the day, by gently asking myself 1) Where my mind? and 2) Is that where I want my mind to be? Because anxiety is due to the mindless habitual re-running of anxious and fearful thoughts, being a bit more deliberate with our intention can be very helpful here so that we're in the driver seat, rather than getting unknowingly dragged around by our thinking. We can't help what thoughts come to mind, our brains are thinking machines, but there is often more space than we're aware of for a choice as to whether or not we want to follow that thought.
In this episode Kelli and Erica go through the actual biology of the fight or flight response, the response that causes all those "fun" physical, mental, and emotional symptoms we experience while feeling anxious.
In this episode Kelli answers a question from one of our listeners about a technique called "tapping" (otherwise knows as Emotional Freedom Technique) to alleviate anxiety.
In this episode Kelli and Erica talk about weathering emotional storms, because if you're human, they're going to happen. Kelli and Erica share some knowledge and insights that help them move through an emotional funk, whether it's anxiety, sadness, grief, anger, or just feeling "blah."
Join Kelli as she addresses a listener's question. Chinese food and Harry Potter are somehow relevant (nay... crucial) in answering the question at hand.
Join Kelli and guest Michelle Moorhead from MoorMindfulness as Michelle shares her experience with anxiety, cancer, and mindfulness.
In this short and sweet episode, Kelli and Erica answer a listener's question regarding the biggest "game changer" in their anxiety journey.
Last week Kelli and Erica talked about coming out of the anxiety closet and sharing their story. This week's episode is all about how to hear someone else's story.
Join Kelli and Erica as they chat about motivation again (it's a big topic). Kelli and Erica share how their daily life was once motivated entirely by fear - fear of failing, fear of feeling lost, fear of being alone, etc. If you feel like fear is driving too much of your daily life, tune in to hear more about what has helped us shift toward a more sustainable motivator than fear (spoiler alert: it has something to do with values).
Join Kelli and Erica as they talk about what helped them share their personal anxiety stories with friends and family. Topics covered during this chat include authenticity, vulnerability, and connection (and sweating, because sweating is a direct result of all these things).
Join Kelli and Erica as they chat about what insights and "ah-hah" moments actually look and feel like. Spoiler alert: Sometimes an "ah-hah" moment comes while writhing around on the ground from the pain of a sprained ankle while a dog poops next to your head.
Join Kelli and guest Crystal Saltrelli as they discuss challenging circumstances, thoughts, and emotional suffering. Both Kelli and Crystal were once firm believers that circumstances caused suffering, now they can see that's not entirely true. Tune in to hear more!
Join Kelli and Erica as they chat about regret, something we all experience at one time or another. Fear of regret can cause a lot of anxiety when we're trying to decide whether or not to take on a challenge that pushes our comfort zone. Tune in if you'd like to hear more about regret.
If you’ve heard or read anything of mine before, then you’ve probably heard me say that strategies alone (e.g. five easy steps, breathing techniques, distraction, etc.) are not enough to truly move past our fear. We also need to bring awareness and a willingness to feel and explore that fear – a.k.a. being with the fear. Being with the fear is what allows us to move past "fearing the fear"; it’s what de-conditions the fear habit.
But, for those of us that have experienced trauma or are really sensitized, it can feel really scary and unsafe to be with that fear in a helpful or productive way. This is where "resourcing" or strategies can come in handy; the idea of resourcing is to give us just enough space and altitude so that we can start to feel safe and willing to be with the fear. We’re all capable of being with fear, so it’s just a matter of cultivating that capacity. We’ve all been there when we’re trying something new that is exciting but also scary, sure there’s fear there but also an openness and willingness to let it be part of the experience – in fact that fear is what makes some of our experiences exciting.
So here are a few simple resourcing methods from psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach. Feel free to experiment with all three and see what resonates with you.
Join Kelli as she shares a few simple strategies for calming fear down just enough so that it's a little easier to move with, instead of against, the fear.
In this episode Kelli and Erica share some of their personal insights into how to have a (productive) hard conversation, because we all know avoiding hard conversations altogether only increases tension and anxiety.
In this episode Kelli and Erica talk about expectations and how they influence our happiness. Are expectations bad? Good? Should we let go of all expectations? Tune in to hear more.
In this episode Kelli and Erica chat about how it can be cathartic and empowering to name our fears out loud; we even share a few of our own!
In today's episode Erica shares some insights she's gained about the change process; Kelli ends up chiming in too. Whatever change or challenge you're facing, this episode is here to remind you that you're not alone and it's totally normal if things feel hard.