Blog: The Inner Bully

We are often our own worst enemy. This is usually evident in the way that we talk to ourselves; telling ourselves we are “a loser”, “weak”, “fat”, “stupid”, “a failure” and the list goes on.

So, why do we say these terrible things to ourselves? Well, some of us grew up hearing these cruel words from others while some of us have low self-confidence from trying to live up to society’s high standards. Whatever the reason, the negative self-talk we engage in is simply not true and even if there is SOME truth behind it, that inner bully has a way of blowing it WAY out of proportion. For example; thinking “I’m always so ugly” when in reality, it’s just one bad hair day. The inner bully can be so discrete, making it hard to catch, but it’s very important that we do. If we continue to let that inner bully convince us we are no good, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, these negative perceptions of ourselves will become our reality and our truth.

One way to reign in that inner bully is to use the friend method. Try to take notice of how you’re talking to yourself, if you wouldn’t talk to a friend in that manner then you shouldn’t be talking to yourself in that manner. Instead, try to re-phrase the negative self-talk in a way you would say it to a friend. For example, if you find yourself saying “I’m such a failure, I will never graduate college” then kindly turn it into “Ok, I failed one test in one class, there will be plenty of opportunities to bring up my grade so I will put in more effort next time”. The inner bully can put you in a state of despair and self-loathing; re-phrasing the negative thought into a more realistic and productive one will be motivating rather than discouraging.